When I was in 7th grade, I remember walking around a waterpark with my parents, sucking in my stomach because I was self conscious of my belly pouch. In 8th grade, I remember doing crunches in my room because I had hurt my knee and couldn’t exercise, but was terrified of gaining weight. In high school, I remember sneaking into my parents bathroom to weigh myself everyday before they woke up.
Many of you can probably relate to this: the guilt, secrecy, hating your body, being stressed about food 24/7. It sucks the joy out of life.
Here is how I went from being a chronic dieter to an intuitive eater
I grew up hearing people talk about losing weight and being “good” and “bad” around food. I used to watch shows like The Biggest Loser with I was in grade school. To me, weight loss and dieting were normal. Shrinking your body and trying to control your weight were everyone’s goals. You needed food rules because you couldn’t trust your body.
I was always very self conscious of my body growing up. I hated how my stomach looked and believed that one day I would need to start restricting how much I ate in order to maintain my weight.
It started getting worse right before I started high school. I had dislocated my knee cap and couldn’t exercise for a few months. I was terrified of gaining weight and remember doing crunches in my bedroom. When my doctor was “impressed” that my weight had stayed the same while injured, I felt proud of myself.
Once I started high school
I started going to a trainer to get ready for softball tryouts. I became obsessed with exercising and started weighing myself daily. The trajectory of my day and what I allowed myself to eat relied on the number on the scale each day. I eventually stopped getting my period, I got injured easily, and my hair started falling out. I was exercising for hours a day during softball season and barely eating 1000 calories a day. When Lent started (the 40 days leading up to Easter where it is common to give something up), I used it as an excuse to give up sweets. This led me to binge them on Easter and feel incredibly sick.
At my next yearly check-up, my doctor was concerned about how much weight I had lost in the last year. She said that this is the way eating disorders begin to develop. This scared me into at least eating enough, but I did not do the work mentally to truly heal my relationship with food.
I went from tracking macros to going almost completely vegan over the next few years
I was able to enjoy food when it fit into my rules. But when it didn’t, I was consumed with stress and guilt about what I was eating. After I went through my macro counting phase, I ventured into veganism. I went down a rabbit hole of (cherry picked) research about plant-based diets that made me scared to eat any animal products (reading that eating an egg a day is “as bad as smoking a cigarette” will do that to you🥴). Don’t get me wrong, plant forward diets are very health promoting, but being completely vegan is not necessary for optimal health unless it aligns with your values.
It wasn’t until I read the book Intuitive Eating and started college (dining hall food forces you to be more flexible with your eating lol) that I truly started improving my relationship with food. I began letting myself eat the foods I enjoy and challenging the guilty thoughts as they arise. Just in the past couple years, I have made strides in my body image and self confidence. I have learned to sit with discomfort and not let diet thoughts dictate my actions.
I am still not perfect. Finding food freedom is a lifetime journey – I still get diety thoughts and have poor body image days! It’s really hard to be immune to this when our society is saturated with FAD diets and weight-centric language. So don’t beat yourself up if you still struggle with this on your food freedom journey!
Food Freedom IS Possible!
By embracing intuitive eating and gentler approach to nutrition, I am now able to go out for ice cream without a second thought. I can eat what I want on vacation without fear of gaining weight. I move in ways that I enjoy (like hiking!) and are good for my body without focusing on burning calories. My focus is nourishing my body to feel my best and honor my health instead of controlling my weight. I don’t beat myself up for going back for seconds. Most importantly, I can just live my life without being bogged down by food rules and guilt!
I used to think that food freedom and feeling confident in my body just wasn’t in the cards for me – but it is possible for anyone. The journey and tools that get you there will look different for everyone but it IS possible.
This is why I started my business – to help those who are in the same shoes I was years ago. I have compiled what I learned on my journey to make peace with food and my body as well as the research and resources that I found most valuable to develop a 1:1 coaching program and free guides to get you started on your journey.
It’s time for YOU to feel take YOUR life back from diet culture
I would love to help you on your own journey to feeling CONFIDENT around food and in your body. No more food rules or guilt. You’ll be able to stop dieting and start living.
Click here to apply for 1:1 coaching!